SOMETIMES, LIFE IS JUST TOO MUCH!

I was raised with expectations. My parents expected certain things of me. They had not "studied" how I was put together. Because my dad had a "drinking problem", was very social and outgoing, and my mom was a born worrier who also suffered from mild depression, I was often caught in turmoil. My personal best was never on the mark of their individual expectations. Very confusing. I developed a sense of what I could not accept in my life, based on my observations of them. I did love my parents and was especially close to my dad. He passed away when I was only 37. My mom when I was 54. I still struggle with "how I know life should be". That is based on who I am in my spirit...long for those needs to be fulfilled. Then I feel so selfish when I see and hear of the struggles of mankind all over our planet! Nothing is "fair and balanced"! I see homes that could house 10 families, then see shattered huts with unclothed children running around. I watch *HGTV and see couples traveling to islands to have a "getaway" second home, sometimes 1 or 2 million dollars worth! I read or hear about teens who are ill, become paralyzed, are in the process of dying, or are abandoned, abused, etc. Then, there are young people who are killing others, being bullies in schools and elsewhere, disrespecting parents, spending their time in the "other world" of technology for countless, sleepless hours. I see a country of people growing fatter, becoming a nation of declining morals, and completely self-absorbed.

I recently watched the movie "Babies". What an eye-opener! The happiest children and mothers appeared to be those in Africa! I do admit the movie provided only a small glimpse into their lives, so I'm not judging it, just stating what I observed. I kind of crack up over the germaphobia developing here! Use *Purell before you touch anyone or anything! Yikes! Then use it again after you touch anyone or anything! To be honest here...when I was a kid, I loved to fish and still do. Learned how to put the worm on the hook, wipe off hands on a little towel, and later ate my sandwich for lunch! *Purell...what was that?

So, what is this all about? Just a sense of having missed out on the best for my life and the lives of those around me. Haven't made much of a difference with the many opportunities that came my way. I "missed the boat" all the way around and fear it's now too late. It's like I'm in a corral with no gate! Things I would like to do, ways I'd like to serve and experiences I'd like to share are not available to me at this time in my life. So, one foot goes in front of the other, the minutes tick by and my spirit daily longs for what is not.

A very negative post from a normally positive person. Sort of rambles, huh?! MAYBE, I secretly want to be another Audrey Hepburn...I've got the glasses and the hat!! <;D